Three Lines

[文瑜]

(1)
garlic will be burned you said
need more cooking wine you suggested
i said love is meant to be strong, burning, with no artificial aid.

(2)
yes i hung your clothes high
while you bury them into your bag
i will make you ginger tea and pour you wine.

(3)
could I consume my melancholy like your eating an acorn?
i did not mean to pick it up from your tree
but it grew into my pillow and sheet.

(4)
do you love me?
you said i do
but i already know I DO

(5)
autumn pen executed me
you pitied with love poetry
but can I strut across the street to see the so-called people now?

(6)
the pony was born and died
which blue jay left and stopped by?
robert frost is still in his love quarrel with the world

(7)
had the war fire baked an apple pie or a crab cake yet?
fingers print my cooking book
craving for a ladle of Euphrates' water without red.

(8)
i had to get mad at you one more time
so that i could run out of the steam of zeus' spleen
but, you said, hera's splin is much worst

[ZY]

*I really like 7.

*
about Zeus and Hera
we seldom seldom talk.
but fighting is a street
down which no lovers can escape.
I'll pratice how to ride
and you can chase me from the pasture
where a young white cow grazes
tender green grass in a lush summer night.
about dreams and myths
we seldom seldom talk.

ZY

[文瑜]

where a young white cow grazes
tender green grass in a lush summer night.

Are you referring to Zeus and Io's secret love?
Interesting!

Thank you for your response.

Best,
文瑜

[喬叟]

Greetings Wen-yu:

What is splin? Did you mean spleen, the seat of emotion?

Reading your poem is difficult. Obviously you are not a novice. This makes me hasitate as to your true intentions. Was it by design or by carelessness?

Lack of punctuation in (1) adds to the burden of reading and comprehension.

Shifting tense in (2) is troubling.

(3) is interesting, but "up" seems superfluous, unless you deliberately designed it to be so.

(6) is interesting with its allusion to Robert Frost and his poems.

(7) Good!


I presume that you, like me, learned English as a second language. At your level, however, I think you should submit your work to English language sites for comments and criticism rather than fielding the way with the blind. 問道於盲

[文瑜]

Hi! Chaucer,

Thank you for your correction. Yes, it should be 'spleen.' It was my typo. Really appreciate it.

Um...I think I received different comments from the English native speakers and non-English speakers. From both sides arise the same interesting and inspiring possibilities. I really appreciate your careful reading---a great gift at the new year's eve. And yes, most of the points you mentioned are out of my deliberate design. How could one write without knowing what is writing and how does writing mean to be? It also seems that non-English speakers' comments focus more on grammar and format issues, which is fine. But it is not unusual to see how students and Professors in up state New York try to use language for challenging its limitations but not to fully comply with its inherited principle. Language is alive. It is one way to think through language, not the only way of course. So, I do thank you for your corrections and comments. They are a different noise (which is a good thing in academic field, please don't misunderstand). And they are professional.


As for my intention, um.... I have no intention. Just feel like to write. Is this enough a reason?

Happy New Year!


Best,
Wen-Yu.